my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
