your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
