Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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