I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
