Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
