No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
