guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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