Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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