Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
