The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
