My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
