is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish i was in the wii world.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
