Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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