Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
