Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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