I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
