Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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