please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
