Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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