I cannot find my penis.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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