I have demons in me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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