I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
