Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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