fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
