mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
