You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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