I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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