that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
