I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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