i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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