I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
