Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
