Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
