im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
