I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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