Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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