Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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