I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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