are you still at the devil's house?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
