Me. At least after what I've been through.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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