Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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