Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
