the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize