Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
