I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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