just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish I only lived at night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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