Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
