I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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