so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
