Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
