you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
