A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
