Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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