he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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