All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
