Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize