My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
