Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wish there were birth control emojis
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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