I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
