I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
