he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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