he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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