and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
