I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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