Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
