I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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