we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
