I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
