I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
