I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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