You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
