So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
