I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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