At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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