i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
