Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
