when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
