oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
