I think I am morally bankrupt
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize