Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
