i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize