found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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