Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
