She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
