I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
