u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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