Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
