I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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