About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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