He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
