you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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