She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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