So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
