I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
