Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize