Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
