I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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