Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
