I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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