This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize