she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
