I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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