apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
