She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
