I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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