after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
