hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
