Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize