apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
