absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize