Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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