Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
