I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
