Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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