Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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